An overly nostalgic "exchange was 1 year ago" post

A year ago today, I came home from the adventure of a lifetime.

I know it’s cheesy and we’ve all heard the “study abroad changed my life” story before, but you’re going to hear it again, so if you’ve over it, now is the time to gracefully dip out.

A year ago today, I flew from Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris to O’Hare here in good ol’ Chi town. I boarded the plane with my dear pal Kenz — in matching “I <3 Reims” shirts that one of the flight attendants reacted to with a “J’aime Reims aussi!”, I should add — and I tried not to cry. It was a crowded flight, and Kenzie was nowhere in sight, so I had only the aisle seat and the relief that it promised for my frustratingly long legs to comfort me. Once I sat down and sealed the deal with the click of my shiny silver buckle, it was inevitable: I was leaving. I  remember not knowing what to do with myself. I was so full of emotions that I was physically exhausted, so much so that my body just couldn’t take it any longer. It decided to skip the waterworks that would have hindered my ability to watch takeoff and nap instead.

Takeoff would have been too much for me. I think if I had seen the last glimpse of my temporary home disappear into a sea of white, it would have made it all too real. That scene would have been carved into my brain for a long time — it would have been hard to shake it. Escaping to my dreams where I could travel the world without having to worry about returning to any responsibilities was much easier.

I think leaving was hard because it meant leaving behind a country that had truly felt like home in its purest sense. I was also leaving a continent that had played host to over a dozen unforgettable, laughter-filled trips, but the hardest part was leaving some of the best friends I’d ever made.

I was nowhere near ready to leave France. My time studying at Sciences Po Campus de Reims was far from perfect, but its imperfections were perhaps the most impeccably beautifully aspects about it.

At SciencesPo, I learned what it’s like to learn in an international community (FYI: it’s the best way to learn, and I'm not trying to sound pretentious. It's seriously eye-opening). I learned everything from what a French PACS is to what it’s like being a student journalist in China. I learned that French journalism professors and I don’t always mix very well, but I came to respect their stubbornness and pride for their craft. I learned French grammar and vocabulary from a petite, charismatic French woman; I learned the Spanish equivalent of phrases like “you’re on fire” from two beautiful, adventurous Chilean girls; and I learned how to properly greet charming, glamorous Italian students (with big hugs, kisses and wine, of course).

My time in Reims was educational in many ways, most of which had nothing to do with lectures or homework assignments (the latter of which there weren’t too many of, so thanks for that). When I came home from Reims a year ago today, I was a very different person than the girl who boarded a plane headed for Paris four and a half months prior. Living in France taught me how to actually enjoy my time as a student and young adult. For the first time in my five semesters of college, I felt like I was truly living.

I know it’s cliche AF but I’m serious. I wasted so much time worrying about unnecessary things throughout the first half of college that I don’t think I was actually experiencing Mizzou, I was just going through the motions. I woke up, I went to class, I did work for one of the multiple organizations I was a part of, I went to my job, I did homework and I attempted to get some sleep before doing it all over again. I stayed up late studying even when it didn’t help, and I tried to make everyone around me happy, even when I knew that wasn’t physically possible.

In Reims, I shed all of those habits. In Reims, I put effort into all of my classes, but I didn’t beat myself up when my work wasn’t the best. In Reims, I stayed up late because I was drinking wine and laughing with my friends, not because I was studying. In Reims, I didn’t worry about to-do lists or work shifts or schedules of any kind. Instead, I spent my time sipping authentic champagne, deciding between the croissant or pain au chocolat, and trying way too hard to get into the coolest club in town. I danced with people who didn’t speak my language, watched the sun rise after staying up all night, and ate a ridiculous amount of 2-euro microwavable pasta meals. I made good choices and I made bad choices, but I didn’t have any real regrets.

None of this would have been possible if it weren’t for the wild, hilarious and loving group of fools who were by my side throughout it all. Never have I met people who are so full of life than I did in Reims. My exchange friends taught me how to enjoy myself without worrying about whether the people around me were having a good time. They taught me how to be truly present, and they taught me that I deserve a break. They fully dived into the study abroad experience, and they inspired me to do the exact same.

So, I want to dedicate this piece of writing to my favorite gang of weirdos (both the exchange students and wonderful full-time Sciences Po students who I met). Thank you for helping me come out of my shell. Thank you for making me do things I never would have done at home. Thank you for letting me know that it’s okay to be a little selfish. Thank you for encouraging me, for laughing with me, and for getting shushed in public places with me (you know you’re having fun when you’re too loud for the Europeans around you to handle). You guys mean the absolute world to me, and even though a new part of my heart breaks whenever I think about how long it’s been since we were all together, I refuse to give up hope that I’ll find my way back to you someday.

Je vous aime, mes amis :)